Yes, I chopped all my hair off.
COVID-19 has shaken my entire world. And I’m sure I’m not the only one. These past 6 months have been trying for most of us; from losing our jobs, healthcare, housing, and for some of us even loved ones. Who would’ve thunk that in this lifetime we’d get to experience a pandemic? Now, I’m not saying that like it’s an amazing opportunity to be had ..but you know what I mean. For me, my generation, we’ve only read about these things in the news and in our science and history books. So to say that we were NOT prepared mentally or physically for this is an understatement.
Some people wondered where I went for months at a time. Wellllll I literally went from living, what I considered, my best life to being stuck in what felt like solitary confinement. Everything was canceled: vacations, concerts, dining out, beaches, even all the wedding gigs I had booked, you name it! Now those that know me know that I’m really a homebody/loner, but this- this was different. I went from being perfectly fine with staying home and having time for myself to a deep depression. And it happened so fast that I believe I even caught myself off-guard. I stopped talking. I stopped eating. I stopped sleeping. I stopped. I didn’t leave my small studio apartment for almost 60 days! All I could manage to do was cry and stare into the dark abyss which was once my apartment.
When my emotions went haywire, and I felt closed in as if I was reaching the end of my ropes (a not-so-aggressive way to say suicidal) people stepped in and stepped up! A friend popped up with food. She didn’t care that I wasn’t letting anyone inside; I was welcoming. One friend blew my phone up until I answered. My boyfriend consistently popped in with care packages and more. Another friend popped up for a wellness check and I truly appreciate every-single-one of them for their support and efforts! I ABSOLUTELY WOULD NOT BE HERE RIGHT NOW, IF THEY (or my doctor) HAD GIVEN UP ON ME THE WAY I HAD GIVEN UP ON MYSELF.* My friend Kiara suggested I do a photo series documenting my experience, even if it’s just for myself. She knows my passion and how it keeps me afloat. So I took what she said and ran with it! And just like that, I felt like I found my purpose and more! Picking my camera back up this time around feels monumental in a way; this time is literally life defining and life-saving. Photography is one of my purposes.
This was me in April 2020. I could barely look myself in the mirror without seeing how broken I was. I had taken more photos, that were unfortunately deleted before I could upload. This is what’s left. Here’s to being vulnerable …
"When you tell the truth about yourself and the truth about your life, it gives other women permission to do the same thing. And if we all have permission to tell our stories and to tell our truths, then there’s really no stopping that. Then it becomes undeniable.
You can’t ignore it anymore.
-Tatyana Fazlalizadeh